10 Things To Watch On Italian TV

Ways to kill your down time while in Italy.

BY DON COCHRAN, MD

You’re exhausted and you’ve a really tough day at your local trade show or you’ve just come in from a really busy day traveling. You’ve had your evening shower and are ready for an early morning start. There’s only one problem–you’re still wound up. That’s alright, falling asleep with the television on might be a great idea. If you’re in Italy and you want to kill a little bit of time, here are 10 things to catch while still catching that Italian experience.

10 A soccer game
9 A bicycle race
8 A motorcycle race
7 A car race
6 The Pope
5 A German skydiving show
4 An old Jerry Lewis movie overdubbed in German
3 A Columbo TV episode overdubbed in Italian
2 Three guys in suits discussing soccer strategy with the help of a whiteboard and magnetic circles
1 “Are U Hot?” a German show in which bathing suit-clad young women and men answer panelists’ questions and receive a “hot score” based on their answers

OTHER NOTEABLE SUGGESTIONS:
- A man singing, “It’s now or never” in Italian
- Folk singers singing, “This land is your land” in heavily Italian-accented English
- A show in Italian about eating flowers
- The Girls Next Door reality show, overdubbed in German
- An infomercial about obtaining your “corpo ideale” using an exercise machine

Do Italians Speak English?

Understanding the language’s slang.

BY DON COCHRAN, MD

So, I finish my mosaic class today. We cleaned the mosaics, took a group picture, and gave each other Italian kisses. We went to a hardware store so some could buy the hammer and chisels unavailable in places like Iceland. I left after a few minutes, sneaking out the back door. I was trying to avoid having to eat with Marko, the Greek kid in my class.

I followed a serpentine route to the city center, heading towards the Mercato Cobierto (covered market) for lunch. I looked back occasionally to see if Marko was following. Just as I relaxed, ten blocks from the hardware store, Marko pops out of an alley and asks where we are going for lunch. Spooky. Besides the problem of his smoking, he has been telling me that his bancomat (ATM) card doesn’t work here in Ravenna. I figure it’s just a matter of time before he asks me for some money. As we ate lunch at the cafeteria, Marko said in a surly tone “I hate Italy, none of these Italians speak English.” I pointed out that Italian was the native language here. Marko does, however, speak English to his Greek mother on the phone.

Marko was heading to Bologna to stay with a cousin and I thought there was no way to avoid traveling together. We lugged our bags to the station and bought tickets. Marko went to the information office at the train station so he could ask them why his ATM card wasn’t working.  He had a number from a ticket machine and wait until it was called to speak with the information staff. The number on display was 31 and Marko had 88. There were only two people in the waiting area. Marko decided not to wait; I told him they probably could not help him with his bank card problem anyway.

There was a well-dressed man from Rome on the train, constantly answering calls and sending emails on his smart phone. Holding his phone in the air, he looked up and said to me “it’s like a crack!.” It took me a few moments, but I think he meant that he was addicted to his phone.  I think Marko was wrong, some Italians do speak English. iT!

On The Road To Bernini, Italy

Inspiration for the restless wanderers.

BY JANET MOORE

Welcome to Bernini’s city. I don’t say this as a slight to any of the artists who have lived and worked in this grand village, but this has truly been Bernini’s city for more than 300 years. To many of us, the idea of staying in one place our whole lives is unheard of. We live in a world where young people will have an average of 15 jobs in their lifetime. This was often the case for some of the legendary artists of yore as well, traveling from town to town in search of patrons and steady work. Not so for Bernini, a stand alone in his own time as much as now, he and Rome are permanently joined in history. He gave his life to this city, and finally, I get to walk in his steps.

A TRUE WANDERER
Gian Lorenzo Bernini was born to a sculptor father, and began sculpting before most kids develop fine motor skills. He was taken on by the first of his papal patrons at age 7. He entered into royal patronage, serving under every pope who reigned from 1605 till his death in 1680. His fingerprints are everywhere here, and if it sounds ridiculous come and check it out for yourself.

BAROQUE ART
Baroque art is characterized by its break from the static portraiture of the Renaissance, its portrayal of the most esoteric and ecstatic moments, and its unearthly motion within its paint and stone. Baroque art wants to move: its cloaks are billowing, its hair flowing, its muscles taught and ready. No, it’s not the front of a Harlequin romance, but the theory isn’t that far off. It seeks to involve you, the unwitting viewer in its story. And you don’t have a choice.

ST. PETER’S BASILICA
First stop on the tour is St. Peter’s Basilica. We’d just come from the Vatican, and as I wrote in my journal, we felt beaten. The Vatican Museums are amazing and you shouldn’t miss them, but let’s face it: they’re 11 miles long. If you walk half of them you’ll be wiped! It had also been cloudy that day, so hot and tired we walked through the side entrance to the piazza. As if on cue, the sun shot a ray through the clouds which bounced off the white pillars, illuminating the square. Bernini designed the piazza to accommodate the largest possible number of people while still providing them all a direct line of sight to the Pope’s balcony for his speeches. The pillars are an exercise in symmetry – two lines on each side, curved in semicircles, and lining up perfectly when standing on one of the marked squares in the centre.

Inside the Basilica rests the Baldacchino, a shelter built to cover the papal altar, and commissioned by Barberini pope, Urban VIII. Take a close look among the golden leaves that wrap around the pillars and you’ll see many bees, the symbol of the Barberini family.
At the far end, note the Cathedra of St. Peter. The monument, consisting of four church fathers, was designed and executed by Bernini. The fathers stand poised in study, lost amidst their readings and faith, while they effortlessly hold the great throne off of the ground. There are many more statues here by Bernini, including the ones that top the piazza outside, above the pillars. After a time spent lost in reverie, we leave the Basilica, walk by the water, and cross the Pont Sant’Angelo at sunset. With the pink sky behind us, we gaze at the towering angels that line the bridge. Their completion rests with Bernini’s many students but their design and their life comes from him alone. IT!

Janet Moore is a teacher working in Canada’s capital, Ottawa. She is also the Travel Editor of The Weekly Wanderer, having wandered to over six countries in Asia and in Europe.

Monday In Ravenna

Art class commences in Italy!

BY DON COCHRAN, MD

Hello wanderers:

My Mosaic class started today and I met the teacher, her translator and the other students. There are 11 total students in the class, mostly middle-aged women from Europe. I am the only American and there are three men.

This class is pretty intense, lasting from nine to six everyday with an hour for lunch. This morning there was a lecture and then every student picked out a design to make our first mosaic.

I picked a fish because it was colorful. I found out later it has about twice as many tesserae–or pieces–than the other pictures. We spent the afternoon, cutting marble with a hammer and a hardie, a metal axe-head set into a piece of wood. Music was playing on the sound system, including, strangely enough, the old disco song “I Will Survive.”

Our teacher, Luciana also has a dog, a miniature pincher named Bleu, who looked like a Chihuahua to me. We were told to be careful around him. I was in a room with a Belgian lady and Psychiatric nurse from Holland. They knew each other and were chatting the whole afternoon in German, I think. Luciana would come in periodically and say “beeg mistake” to the ladies while pointing at their works in progress. I so far have avoided this humiliation.

After class, I went to dinner alone because the Germans were going out at 9:30 and I thought that was too late for me. While I walked to a recommended restaurant, I passed the main piazza where some teenage girls were practicing a routine to ‘Singing in the Rain’ on a stage. The old men who usually sit around piazzas were watching
them twirl their umbrellas. The meal was good; I had some local pasta called cappelletti–a ravioli-like pasta with ragu sauce.

I asked the waiter what he recommended to go with it, and he said melanzana. I thought it some sort of melon, but it turned out to be grilled eggplant. I tried eating the meal Euro-style with both knife and fork, but gave up after a few attempts.

On the way home, it started raining, but that didn’t spoil my gelato al cioccolato, however.

Until next time,

Don

Ever Brush Your Teeth With Sunscreen?

Doing what it takes to survive.

BY DON COCHRAN

Andiamo:

I got over my jetlag without incident, a cause for celebration because one time I brushed my teeth with sunscreen by mistake during the adjustment period. I also figured out the tricky shower, which features a window that folds inward. (you must close it to use the shower!)  I’m pretty sure the hot water comes from Bologna, 80 kilometers away, judging from the time it  takes to get warm.

Fa caldo, it’s hot here, not Texas hot, but pretty toasty.  The mosaic school recommended a Bed and Breakfast, but I chose this hotel because it is air-conditioned.  I left my air conditioner on all day, even though there is a sign telling the “kind guests to switch off the air conditioner when they go out”.  The hotel is nice and has a tiny elevator.  I suppose two people would fit in, but it would be better if you knew that person. There are stairs for the claustrophobic.

Until next time,

Don

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