Soul searching for tough answers
BY SAMANTHA STOKELL
As an expat, you always meet new people. Teaching contracts expire throughout the year, and other foreigners are constantly coming and going.
The Foreigner Five, as I like to call it, are the standard questions we ask when meeting for the first time:
- Name
- Country
- Who you are teaching with (because you are obviously teaching English)
- Length of time in Japan, and how they like it so far. No matter how long you’ve been in Japan (2 days, 2 months, 2 years) we always ask, ‘how do you like it?’.
These questions are good for 15-20 minutes of conversation, before you’re introduced to someone else and start the Foreigner Five all over again.
Stay anywhere long enough and you’ll no doubt begin to interact with the locals, where you’ll be asked another five questions, sometimes in English, sometimes in Japanese, but always the same Five.
Picture: Writer Samantha Stokell second from the right.
1) Your name. This question, though seemingly simple is almost always an ordeal. My name ‘Samantha’ is a mouthful for Non-English speakers, and I sometimes have a habit of pronouncing it Smith, or so I’m told. Only those who have watched Bewitched (or My Wife is a Witch to Japanese viewers) are familiar with my name.
2) Your country. I love this question, because I’m always curious what tourist attraction or natural wonder they’ll mention, as if to confirm we’re talking about the same country. The Rocky Mountains, Niagara Falls, the CN Tower, and Banff are the most popular. My favourite was the man who went to Windsor, Ontario for the strip clubs.
3) Your age. I don’t know why they ask this question. Maybe its some of the only English they remember from high school, but it’s inevitable. And always followed by…
4) Marital Status. This is not generally a question asked in North America when you meet someone upon introduction. In Canada, it’s not abnormal to be single at 24 (I think), but in Japan its cause for surprise. And after the surprise registers the question…
5) Why? Yes, they want to know why you are single. How does one answer that question, and to someone you’ve just met? I can’t tell from their reaction if they’re jealous of my freedom or think I’m crazy for gallivanting around the world instead of settling down.
At 24 I’m in danger of becoming ‘Christmas Fruitcake’ – stale, unwanted and left on the shelf. The average age for marriage in Japan is 26, while in Canada it’s 28. Only a two year difference, but from the age of 24, 26 seems really close and not a likely possibility in my case. I’ve met women who are 30 and have 3 kids in school. Some of the mothers of my students have a 3 year old, a kid on their hip and a bun in the oven, and are only a couple years older than me. I know my view is biased since I teach children, and see more than my fair share of moms and kids, but the looks of pity I get from some of these happily settled women are annoying.
Independence of women is growing in Japan, with more and more having careers and putting marriage and children off until later. Marriage is seen as an end to freedom in Japan, and more women are enjoying their independence longer. However, it’s still not as delayed as in Canada, where the average age for a first child is now over 30. Being a single, independent woman traveling in Japan is shocking to some people here, where it often seems like the biggest fashion accessory is a man.
I’ve finally come up with a satisfactory answer to ‘Why are you single?’: “Hitori ga tanoshii,” which translates to, “being single is fun.” This response usually receives a nod of approval, followed by a look of nostalgia and a tired look at their kids. A much better response than the pity I received when I replied I don’t know. IT!
Canadian Samantha Stokell is currently teaching English in Japan.
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Hi Sam,
Great story! I really enjoyed reading this. They ask those questions in South Korea as well, and one thing I learned is that the age and marriage questions are asked so they know which level of respect to give you.
I’m pretty such it’s the same in Japan, but in SK there are different formalities when speaking to people, more formal for elders and more casual for younger ones, equals and friends. From what I’m told, they want to know how to address you.
A very insightful read though! Thanks!