The ins and outs of overseas relationships.
BY TINA CHEN
Long distance relationships never work out. This is what I’m often told, but I think they can with a little effort. However, what many people forget is that long distance relationships are very hard.
When I was younger, my main objective was to see the world and learn English. The learning English part has evidently paid off although there is still room for improvement. During this time, I dated a German man off and on for several years. We didn’t work out, but again, I wasn’t ready for any full time commitment as my travels abroad weren’t finished. In the end, I left him without saying goodbye. I didn’t know any other way and facing him would be just too difficult.
Needless to say, I stayed single for awhile after the German guy. I spent those years to this day working as a clerk at Starbucks. Foreigners always come in and out of the store because my work is located near a hotel. Some of them I talk to when the store is not busy. Many of them, oh, so many of them ask for my phone number. I always said no. Then there was Pierre, from France. He was the exception.
We dated for a year, but the relationship was extremely difficult. He was living in Taiwan on contract from his work. Of course, we got to know each other and fell in love, but then when he went home I really missed him a lot. Whenever he called, my stomach tightened and tears filled my eyes. Just the sound of his voice made me want to cry. Of course, I had to be strong. It’s very important for me that I did that because I didn’t want him to worry about me. Our contact was mostly by phone, and sometimes email. I don’t like email too much because finishing one always took me a long time, but I made sure we kept constant contact.
Then I met a man from Australia, Matt. He was a really nice guy. A little whiny, but hey, I kind of liked that about him. His tears were warm and comforting, but he left to return to Sydney because he couldn’t adjust to life in Taiwan. This was just too much for me because he left without saying goodbye.
Guilt. Empty. Helpless. Three words I could use to describe myself at this point. I almost became involved with another man while I was dating another who I wanted to marry. I wish Matt didn’t leave like he did. He was my support when I missed Pierre most. He was a friend.
December. This was my salvation because I was going to France to see Pierre. It was a rough yet very rewarding year for the both of us. No more, “I miss yous” or “Wo xiang nis”, just those warm and magical, “I love yous”. The month with him in the most romantic country in the world was a perfect utopia. I never wanted the time to end. Even though, in the end, it had to.
But when I came back to Taiwan, I was still walking on clouds. He was my heaven. But a month later, I was frustrated because I was missing Pierre and France even more than ever. I did try to keep a positive frame of mind. In four months, I would move to France to be reunited with him. What a dream! And four months later, our relationship ended.
I was ready to go to France. I had enrolled in French and ready to learn. He even came to see me for a month in Taiwan two months later. However, him coming and going, coming and going took its toll. Missing him caused some doubt. Was it worth it? Also, the fact I might be leaving Taiwan put me on notice too.
Then I met this young gentleman from Wisconsin in the United States. Shortly after, Pierre and I ended and then John and I began. We’ve been together for six months now and I feel really good about him. I miss Pierre, but the truth was Pierre and I spent most of our time missing each other.
No one can tell me that if you love someone, then you can wait. I believe in that, however, even that has limits. I’m very happy with John. We’ve talked about marriage although nothing definite. Maybe it’s written in the stars, maybe it’s not, but we’ll see where we go from here. iT!
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